Thursday

I had to put a day between the actual events and the retelling of them, so that I don't add high blood pressure to my repertoire. I should have commissioned my sister to write this--no doubt it'd be much funnier. This is how my day went yesterday:

I get to school and remember that it's progress report day. Now, I had printed out the grade sheets to staple to the actual progress reports, but I hadn't filled my homeroom class's out yet. Yes, we are still in the Dark Ages here in Louisiana--it's a carbon-copy form that the students carry around all day. Anyway, I spend some time before school/during first period getting that done.

During second period, my students are working in groups on their plays that they're presenting in Reader's Theater format starting Monday. I have one student who was transferred to my class back in March who is special ed--he has ADHD. He also has a mother who works for the school district. Oh, and did I mention that he's had 17 referrals and is currently on contract for his behavior (meaning that the next referrable offense will send him to alternative school)? Oh, and he has a behavior modification plan--tells me exactly what I should do/how I should handle any behavior problems. His mom insists everything is due to his impulsivity... Yep, a real gem. Anyway, as I'm circulating around the room monitoring the students (to make sure that they've stopped reading the stage directions as lines), I hear, "...no f***ing way!" shouted from his dear, sweet lips. I call him up to my desk, ask him to repeat himself. He claims not to have said anything. I ask (in shock), "Did you swear in my class?" And he still denies it. So I call up three students one at a time, from different areas of the room, and ask them "What did he say (so as not to lead the witness)?" They all confirmed it. Then I emailed the special ed teacher who knows him backward and forward and ask if I should send him to the office (I'm sure there's some step I've missed). She said yes, so I send him. A few minutes later, I send a student with the documentation. That student returns and tells me that the kid is hiding in the bathroom, that he never went to the office. So I call up there, and the SRO is sent to look for him--we find him about 5 minutes later, when he merges with the other students changing classes and attempts to go into his 3rd period class.
So now it's my planning period...ha! His mother is immediately at school. She's supposed to be picking him up because breaking contract is grounds for suspension until the expulsion hearing. But of course she wants to talk to me & our asst. principal. She's insisting it's because of his impulsivity and feels that the punishment (alt. ed) doesn't fit the crime (which in her eyes is just the swearing incident). We explain that this is #18--we don't send all potty-mouths to the alternative school. Anyway, in this meeting the student says that he swore because all of the other boys in his group were swearing--which to me means it's not impulsive, it sure sounds premeditated. Oh, and right when I return to my room I get the call about failing the glucose test.
4th period--I get called in to the big meeting. I don't remember what acronym is assigned to this meeting, but basically because he's special ed, this meeting is held to determine if the problem was due to his disability or if he truly deserves to have a hearing. The behavior strategist starts out on the mom's side, which is the complete opposite of what I've been told they typically do--she must be scared of mom, too. And they say that I didn't follow the behavior plan because he's supposed to get a warning, and then after the second offense he's to be sent to the office. I'm sure you can imagine what I said, because you're all having the same response right now. I also argued that it would send a terrible message to the rest of my class if he just showed up in class the next day, having received no punishment. We went around & around for an hour & a half, and I could vent more about that meeting, but I'll spare you.
5th period--I've acutally missed all but 10 minutes of 5th period, so I scramble to get all of the progress reports signed/filled out. I don't finish 7 of them.
6th period--Finish the progress reports from the last class and somehow get them out to the kids wherever they are now.
7th period--This class is now in groups. One of my strange little needy girls is in tears screaming at her group. (On a side note, she cried & left class the day before because she claims stage fright, even though reader's theater involves sitting in a desk facing the class reading from a script). I call her over to see what the problem is, and she very emotionally tells me that she wants to have a big part or no part. I'm trying to rationalize this based on the explosive events from the day before. In the middle of this ordeal she switches back to her stage fright story. While mediating this argument, I glance over to see a boys group standing up shouting profanity at one another. It's another of my students with a lovely temper, and he's just lost it. Feeling like I'm on the brink, I tell the entire group to go to the office. I call the office and tell them that I'm just sending them in order to keep my sanity--they're having group issues & swearing at one another. I finally calm spazoid down and we figure out a solution with 7 minutes for me to get the progress reports done.
A bell has never sounded so sweet.